(I wrote this during a hard time. I guess I just wanted to put this out there and get it off my chest.)
Dear ex-best friend,
I’m trying to get over how petty this is, but I just need to get this off my chest.
We were close. We were more than close. We were sisters. We were joined at the hip. We were.
It’s funny how things like that change overnight. It’s funny how you were the person who calmed me down during a panic attack, but now you’re the reason I can’t breathe. It’s funny how you were the person who comforted me at my lowest points, but now you’re the cause. It’s funny how I’ve been replaced. Isn’t it just so funny?
It’s bizarre to me how we used to be happy in each other’s presence. It really is.
I can’t help but think that everything we went through, felt, talked about was fake. If it was real, wouldn’t it be at least a little hard for you to move on to someone else? Was it all one-sided? Was I lying to myself?
I joked around by saying this was a breakup, and now that I think about it, it’s worse. I trusted you more than I did anyone else, and it’s just sad to see that all go.
You were the one who made me promise we wouldn’t drift apart. I remembered. You forgot.
I was there for you, always. You were never truly there for me, now that I look back. You only cared about being accommodated for. If you felt uncomfortable, I did all I could do to fix it. When I confronted you about leaving me, you made it my fault. I know you didn’t forget that.
Me coming home from that fight and having multiple panic attacks. Me crying my eyes out. Me wanting to just die and get it over with. You there, making me the villain when you were the real monster in the situaiton.
You later told me that it was my fault. That I over reacted. It’s funny how you say that and completely disregard everything I told you about my past and anxiety. Of course, it’s about you and your made up issues.
You aren’t worthy of my tears. You really aren’t, because now I know who you are. You made that pretty clear.
You cling on to someone because you have no integrity of your own, and when you find someone better, you just move on. You aren’t really you without another person, and that’s just sad.
I’m not going to go into what I think of you, because I don’t think putting that out there will do any good. I think you know quite well what I think about you.
The problem I have is this: you have the audacity to talk to me after all this happened.
“Can we work on this together?”
And what really sparked all of this was the note.
I don’t know if it’s my place or not, but are you okay?
No. No, it isn’t your place. Not after you completely disregarded me like you did.
It’s not okay especially after you and her laughed at me. Gotta give it to you. You have the nerve to think you can talk to me like nothing happened.
(Revisited a couple weeks later.)
I understand where I was coming from. I still agree to some extent with what I wrote, but I want to add a couple things.
You don’t affect me anymore. I got over you and frankly, your existance, which sounds a bit harsh, but it’s the truth. Sometimes I forget you exist, and thats the best feeling ever.
I don’t know what happened with you and her, but something did happen, I can tell.
You’re lonely. I see that, but you know what? I don’t really care. Actually, I do care. I care that you’re getting to feel what I felt for that time.
You’re not doing so well. I wish I could wish you luck with everything and all that, but I don’t.
I act like we’re neutral and all that, but I got to say: we’ll always have bad blood. You ruined something precious, and even though I’ll be able to forgive some of it, I’ll never forget, and I know that’s what matters.
I’m thriving. I’m the best I’ve ever been. Can’t say the same for you…