In September, I wrote a post talking about all my anxiety about starting the new school year. It’s been a little over 5 months, and I started 2nd semester about 3 weeks ago, so I thought it would be a good idea to update you guys on the situation.
I haven’t read the post since I published it, and I’ve forgotten everything that I wrote. I think that’ll add something to the post because I don’t remember what I talked about or was scared of; does any of what I’m saying make sense?
Okay, so the first thing I wanted to address is actually in the introduction. I mentioned that I get a lot of anxiety about school and that it’s one of my main triggers. I do still feel the same about that, but I think I got better at controlling it.
It’s usually at it’s worst when I have to walk without someone with me or when I’m about to get dropped off. I remember reading a book that picturing anxiety as a red fist having a tight grip on your torso and to make it let go of you, you breathe out and picture the red first fading into the blue air that you’re exhaling.
That’s how I control my anxiety if you have any tips, then please share them with me!
The second thing that was a huge problem for me was that I didn’t know anyone in the class I was put in. Well, I feel kind of differently on this point actually.
By being in this class, I’ve gotten closer to a couple girls and we’ve actually extended our friend group (look at the text below).
I also mentioned in this part of the post (again, I put it below), my friend that moved. We were supposed to talk every week or so so we can catch up, but up till now we’ve talked every 2 or 3 months, I think I can confidently say that she’s moved on and isn’t really interested in staying in contact.
My main friend group is made up of 3 girls. One of these girls moved away this summer, so we won’t even get to see her outside of school…
I then moved on to mention by best friend (text below), who was put in a class full of stuck up bitches. She and I are still really close and talk every day during lunch etc.
I was worried that we would grow apart, and we kind of did but we got over it. We’ve been friends for about 2 1/2 years going on 3.
…The other one was put in another class and refuses to change.
I wanted to mention something about my class before we leave this topic. I was right to be nervous because everyone actually hates me. They give me the dirtiest looks, everyone talks about me behind their backs and when I try to defend myself, they start crying and blaming me for everything that’s ever gone wrong in their life.
A girl was assigned to sit next to me a week ago and she couldn’t stand it and moved her desk to the other side of the room. Yeah.
Another thing I’m deathly scared of is P.E. class…I’m a fat girl, chubby is just people trying to make themselves feel good, I’m fat I know it, I deal with it…
PE actually is okay this year because the teacher just lets us do whatever we want. I usually ask her if I can do homework in the library instead and she agrees most of the time, so that works out fine for me.
One of our other PE teachers (she passed away, I’ll be speaking about that later. May she Rest in Peace) actually let us sleep or just hang out while playing music in the gym (the only air-conditioned area we were allowed to play PE in) when we have her first period.
I wrote that I didn’t like my PE teacher. I would like to first clarify that we have about 5 PE teachers at my school. One I didn’t really have a problem with (she’s the one that passed away, RIP), one I hated the guts of (I’ll be talking about her in a bit) and one that I lowkey like (the one that lets me do homework).
The one that I wanted to stab to death ended up leaving around 2 months into first semester (YAAAAYYY), and my other teacher ended up losing a battle with breast cancer a month or two ago.
Ugh, I know none of you actually wanted to hear all that, so let’s move on.
And then there are the grades, and the tests, and the homework. The teachers who hate me, the principle who picks on everything I’m wearing, the supervisors who always give me dirty looks, the girls who do everything I mentioned before.
Grades are actually great, everything but math actually. My finals were okay, I got an A+ overall for my first semester but I think I could’ve gotten better. Same thing with tests and homework.
I will say that when finals came around I collapsed a couple times with some pretty bad panic attacks from the stress but I ended up getting okay-good grades, so I can’t complain.
Teachers surprisingly all like me. Scratch that they adore me. I suck up to them, do my homework, get good grades, what’s there not to like. Just kidding, but there are actually a couple teachers I count as friends; that sounds so dumb, but I really couldn’t give less of a shit.
Principle likes me (I think) I suck up to her, stay out of trouble, run for student council, and get good grades; I don’t think there’s anything else to say.
She actually hugged me yesterday and told everyone to vote for me (student council. I know lame, but I like this stuff).
My year’s supervisor hates my guts, but I think I got everything sorted out with her this past week.
…anxiety is anxiety, and there’s no cure for that, so let’s just leave it at that.
This is also something that I think people forget, there’s nothing you could do other than just power through.
That’s all I have for you today. It’s great to be posting again. I promise to give you guys more quality, long content soon.
Also, tell me whether you like shorter posts that are around 300-500 words or the longer type of ranty posts which go on for a while 1,000+ words.
Much love, Rawan …