Hey, beautiful! Today, I’m back with another book review!
This time, I’m reviewing My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga.
This very book left me speechless when I finished it. It was just pure perfection! I don’t know what took me so long to pick this up, but now that I have, I’m going to love it for years to come!
I know that this book isn’t for everyone, so please don’t read this if you get triggered by suicide and anything like that.
Publication Date: February 10th 2015
Publisher: Balzer + Bray
Page Count: 320 pages
Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness.
There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution—Roman, a teenage boy who’s haunted by a family tragedy, is looking for a partner. Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together.
I’ve been wanting to read this very book for so long, but now that I’m ahead of my Goodreads challenge and my TBR challenge, I decided to just treat myself and pick it up.
All I can say about this is that it’s beautiful!
While reading this, all I could think of is how beautiful Jasmin Warga’s writing is. It portrays the characters and real life so well, that it’s actually scary.
Well it isn’t scary as in it was terrifying, but as in it’s just so frightening how the human mind works.
Because of her writing style, we get to see how beautifully ugly Aysel’s mind is.
You get to see the real beauty of death, and also the ugly truth about depression and mental illness.
It shows what actually goes on in a suicidal person’s mind, and what they think about during their last days, or at least what they think their last days are.
There are just so many aspects of this book that just made me fall in love with it. The way the author describes the character’s facial aspects and also their personality, the way she describes death, the way depression isn’t praised but is shown in its true form.
The whole story takes place in a realistic world, not one where every detail is exaggerated and magnified. It deals with real world problems like suicidal thoughts, depression, love, family problems.
I sometimes had to just stop and jot down a line or two from here because it was just too beautiful to miss out on.
You look for yourself.
“Depression is like a heaviness that you can’t ever escape. It crushes down on you, making even the smallest things like tying your shoes or chewing on toast seem like a twenty-mile hike uphill. Depression is a part of you; it’s in your bones and your blood. If I know anything about it, this is what I know: It’s impossible to escape.”
“Life can seem awful and unfixable until the universe shifts a little and the observation point is altered, and then suddenly, everything seems more bearable.”
“Maybe we all have darkness inside of us and some of us are better at dealing with it than others.”
I just don’t know how to describe the haunting beautifulness about this book, you’ll just have to see it for yourself.
As I always do, I’m going to be talking about some of my favorite characters now. I chose, Roman, Roman’s mom, Aysel’s father, Aysel’s mother, and lastly, Aysel herself.
I’m going to start off with Roman because he was just so wonderful to read about. Throughout the whole book, he is convinced that he wants to/needs to die. Something happened in the past -April 7th of the last year- and he blames himself for it.
He thinks that there is no hope in his life anymore, but I just love that even though Aysel has her own darkness that’s pulling her down, she still see’s the good in him. She still finds hope.
And at the end , we find out that Roman also found hope in Aysel. It’s funny how messed up people try to fix each other’s messes.
Next, we have Roman’s mom. Throughout the book, I just cringed at how nice and innocent she is. She acts as if Aysel is just a normal teenage girl that hangs out with her grieving son, but it’s so much more than that.
She doesn’t know their true motive. She doesn’t know that they met on a suicide partners website, and plan to jump off a cliff on April 7th. She doesn’t know anything, and that’s what makes her weak.
Now, to talk about Aysel’s father, the reason she wants to die, the one person who ruined and made her life amazing at the same time.
We learn that Aysel’s father has killed a teenage boy, who was going to be one of the first to reach the Olympics from their town.
This event makes the whole town talk about Aysel behind her back, it makes the black sludge in her stomach grow, it makes her need to fall into the darkness more.
We don’t get to see that much of her dad in the book, but we get some flashbacks and memories throughout.
What I think is that Aysel’s dad isn’t a monster, but he’s just a person who snapped in the wrong place at the wrong time, so he ended up in prison.
I guess it depends on how you see him, but from my perspective, he isn’t so bad.
Now to go to the other side; Aysel’s mom. We do get to see a biased point of view because Aysel just doesn’t want to accept the fact that she’s loved.
Her parents separated when she was younger than a year, but she’s lived with her dad for her whole life, that is until the incident happened, then she had to move to her mom’s house.
Her mom has been remarried, and already had 2 kids, which she has to take care of. Aysel seems to think that she doesn’t care about her and thinks that she’s an intruder.
Will Aysel fix up her relationship with her mom? Will she see her dad one last time? Will she even live to see April 8th? Those are questions that I can’t answer.
Finally, I’ll be talking about Aysel herself; the main character.
She was a character that I related to the most.
She’s broken, unmendable, depressed, and believes that there is nothing worth to live for.
She believes that there is a black sludge that just eats away at her feelings and leaves her hollow inside.
But even when she thinks that there is absolutely nothing to live for, Roman comes along and indirectly shows her that there is hope even though he doesn’t believe that there’s hope for himself.
I really love that she doesn’t glamorize depression, but she also doesn’t shame it at the same time. She just shows the world how it is.
She spends most her time just thinking about what happens after death, and where the person’s energy goes. I also thought that was just fascinating.
I don’t really want to write more about these characters because I feel like it’s better to go into this book blind and find out about them while you read.
Much love, Rawan ❤ …